How To Find Happiness: It May Be Simpler Than You Think

Finding happiness in an unhappy world can seem impossible. But it’s not.

Human emotions are actually much simpler than we think. We don’t need to be millionaires to be happy. We don’t need the newest clothes or technology. We don’t even need to climb the social ladder.

So, how can we find happiness? First, we should define what happiness is so we are speaking the same language.  Oxford English Dictionary's definition of “happy” is helpful: “Feeling or showing pleasure or contentment.” According to a Harvard study that has followed 724 men for over 80 years, the biggest influence on our happiness is our relationships. (1)(2)

But that’s not the only thing our relationships impact.

Positive relationships are linked to our mental health, happiness, physical health, and lifespan. (1)(2)(3)(4)(5)(6)(7)(8)(9)(10) 

The number one reason we hear for why people enter therapy is related to the quality of their relationships. People are feeling lonely, unsupported, and hurt.  The main way to find happiness in your life is to cultivate strong, supportive relationships. However, many of us don’t have role models for what a healthy, secure-functioning relationship looks like and we don’t have the relationship skills for it either.

But wait, before we jump in, it’s important to note that when we’re discussing relationships, we mean ALL relationships- not just romantic relationships. While romantic relationships are most definitely included in every part of this article, the content discussed here is related to romantic relationships, friendships, family relationships, and more.

Numerous studies have linked positive relationships to better mental health. But why is that? How do positive relationships impact our happiness?

1. Stress Reduction

Yep! But don’t take our word for it, study after study has shown that people with positive relationships in their lives have less stress and anxiety (1) (2) (3) (4)

People with lower cortisol levels (meaning less stress) tend to have strong, supportive, positive social relationships. Those who lack positive relationships tend to have higher levels of cortisol which leads to higher levels of stress. (4) (5)

Think about it, when you’re stressed or upset, what do you do? Probably reach out to a friend or family member to either vent or get advice. Normally, after you’ve talked through your feelings with a trusted person, you feel (at least slightly if not greatly) better. 

Part of the reason talking about your feelings and stressors with someone helps you is that you come out with a feeling of support and solidarity. You’ve got someone in your corner and someone who understands you.

Now, what happens to those people who have no one to reach out to? They never get the support they need. They feel alone and isolated with their negative feelings causing these emotions to grow. 

Plus, what about when someone trusts you with their problems or negative emotions? Doesn’t it make you feel good to help them? Being a stable foundation for your loved ones enhances your emotions.

When you don’t have a strong support system, your stress levels increase as you have no one to help you navigate through them. And no one to help you carry them.

Avoid Lonelines

Emotional Support

Another way positive relationships help us find happiness is through emotional support. I know we discussed this earlier, but let’s dig in a little deeper. 

While having people there for you when you’re dealing with negative emotions is life-changing, having support in every area of your life takes your mental health to a whole new (and better) level. (5)

People who have a consistent stream of emotional support surrounding them in every aspect of their lives have increased happiness and less stress. (5)

Think about it: even in your exciting, happy times, what do you do? Share with those around you. And when they’re excited for you, it gives you the motivation to keep growing. It increases your excitement and makes you feel GOOD.

On the flip side, what about when a loved one comes to you with exciting news? Doesn’t it feel like their excitement seeps into your emotions? Not only do we need support from others, but when we support them, we reap the benefits as well.

Increased Happiness

Yep! Strong, positive relationships lead to happiness. When figuring out how to find happiness, people often search for popularity or money or influence.

But none of these things will lead to happiness. But research has shown that keeping a few, strong, supportive relationships does lead to happiness. (1) (2) (3)

In the 80 year long Harvard study (which is actually the longest research study to date), the researchers interviewed the participants and their families every two years. And the shocking find was that those who were the happiest, according to them and their families, were those that had the best relationships. On top of that, many of the participants' happiness waxed and waned depending on the times in their lives when they felt the most support.(1) (2) (3)

Notice, they didn’t say the MOST relationships, but rather, the best. Purposefully growing close, personal, supportive, healthy relationships is the number one way to achieve happiness. (1) (2)

When you think about it, this makes sense. When you have good people around you, don’t you feel warmer? Better? Happier?

The key to this is that just because you have relationships doesn’t mean they are GOOD. Part of relationships leading to happiness is ensuring these relationships are positive, supportive relationships.

Wait, what? Supportive relationships lead to better physical health?  YES. I know it seems strange, but you don’t have to trust me. Let’s look at the research.

Numerous studies have shown that people who are satisfied with their relationships have better physical health. (2) (3) (6)

Those who are isolated and lack social connections are likely to have worse physical health. (6)

But why is this?

While we don’t have all the answers, there could be multiple reasons for this.

First, we’ve talked about how relationships affect our stress levels, but did you know that stress levels affect your physical health and immune system? (7)(8) So, when you don’t have solid relationships, you have more stress and worse physical health. Vice Versa, when you DO have positive relationships, you have less stress and better physical health.

Another reason is simply that happiness is linked to better physical health. (2) (9) (10) At the end of the day, people who have positive relationships are happier, and happy people tend to have better physical health.

No matter the reasons, science has linked strong relationships to better physical health time and time again. (1) (2) (3) (6)

Better Physical Health

Live Longer

And bouncing off physical health, people who have positive relationships typically have a longer lifespan. (1) (2) (3) (9)

Whether this is because strong relationships lead to happiness which enhances physical health, or if it’s because the strong support systems increase our mental health which increases our will to live, or it’s other reasons unknown to us, people with positive relationships and strong support systems tend to live longer lives. (1) (2) (3) (9)

And while living longer may not necessarily sound super appealing if you don’t have many people in your life, when you have loved ones to stick around for, a longer life is the best gift possible.

Find Your Happiness Today

As you can see, learning how to find happiness doesn’t have to be complex. Maintaining and growing strong, supportive relationships is the key to happiness, mental well-being, physical well-being, and living longer! We live in a culture where we think being independent is a sign of strength and resilience, but it’s quite the opposite. We end up feeling stronger and more resilient when we have people in our lives we can depend on. 

If you read this post and it made you feel worried or anxious, you’re not alone. If you’ve lost or grown distant from some important people in your life, you’re not alone. And it’s not too late.

From social groups to individual counseling, we may have the perfect solution to help you form new relationships or heal past ones. 

Plus, be on the lookout for our next post on three important skills for healthier, happier relationships.

Works Cited

Solan, Matthew. “The secret to happiness? Here’s some advice from the longest-running study on happiness.” Harvard Health, 5 October 2017, https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/the-secret-to-happiness-heres-some-advice-from-the-longest-running-study-on-happiness-2017100512543. Accessed 11 December 2023

Gostick, Adrian. “….” …. - YouTube, 2 March 2023, https://www.forbes.com/sites/adriangostick/2023/08/15/harvard-research-reveals-the-1-key-to-living-longer-and-happier/?sh=17a2074fcf71. Accessed 11 December 2023.

Handel, Steven. “Social Support: The Benefits of Creating Positive Relationships.” The Emotion Machine, https://www.theemotionmachine.com/social-support-the-benefits-of-creating-positive-relationships/. Accessed 12 December 2023.

Ozbay F, Johnson DC, Dimoulas E, Morgan CA, Charney D, Southwick S. Social support and resilience to stress: from neurobiology to clinical practice. Psychiatry (Edgmont). 2007 May;4(5):35-40. PMID: 20806028; PMCID: PMC2921311.

Harandi TF, Taghinasab MM, Nayeri TD. The correlation of social support with mental health: A meta-analysis. Electron Physician. 2017 Sep 25;9(9):5212-5222. doi: 10.19082/5212. PMID: 29038699; PMCID: PMC5633215.

Holt-Lunstad, Julianne. “Why Social Relationships Are Important for Physical Health: A Systems Approach to Understanding and Modifying Risk and Protection.” Annual Review of Psychology, vol. 69, no. 1, 2018, pp. 437-458. Annual Reviews, https://www.annualreviews.org/doi/full/10.1146/annurev-psych-122216-011902.

Gianaros PJ, Wager TD. Brain-Body Pathways Linking Psychological Stress and Physical Health. Curr Dir Psychol Sci. 2015 Aug 1;24(4):313-321. doi: 10.1177/0963721415581476. PMID: 26279608; PMCID: PMC4535428.

Glaser, Ronald. “Stress Damages Immune System and Health - Ronald Glaser.” Discovery Medicine, 18 July 2009, https://www.discoverymedicine.com/Ronald-Glaser/2009/07/18/stress-damages-immune-system-and-health/. Accessed 13 December 2023.

Veenhoven, R. Healthy happiness: effects of happiness on physical health and the consequences for preventive health care. J Happiness Stud 9, 449–469 (2008). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10902-006-9042-1

Siahpush M, Spittal M, Singh GK. Happiness and Life Satisfaction Prospectively Predict Self-Rated Health, Physical Health, and the Presence of Limiting, Long-Term Health Conditions. American Journal of Health Promotion. 2008;23(1):18-26. doi:10.4278/ajhp.061023137